he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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