I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
