you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
