me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
