4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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