he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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