I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize