Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
