Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
