the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
