You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize