textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
