If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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