did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
