Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
