I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize