i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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