i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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