how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
