I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
