My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
