Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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