The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
