If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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