The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
