this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
