Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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