I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
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