I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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