it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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