It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
