I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
