I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
