Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
