The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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