all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
