You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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