Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
