just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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