I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
