HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
