I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
