I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
