i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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