Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
