The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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