i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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