Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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