smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
