Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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