Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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