Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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