Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
