where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
