Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
