sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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