she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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