I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
