It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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