It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
