i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
