there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
