found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
don't judge my taste in strippers
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
