So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
