8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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