Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
