i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
