I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
