i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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