Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
