Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How external is "for external use only"?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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