Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
