I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
